Happy Dance Day

At 8:10 a.m., over Northeast Ohio, a choir of angels broke out in the Hallelujah chorus. Okay, so it was only in my head, along with one of these.

For the first time since late July, I am alone in my house again. If you young mothers of toddlers mock, trust me, I feel your pain. But MY youngest is almost 14. That means for nearly the last DECADE I have had alone time in my home during the school year. 

Since Katie has moved in with us, alone time has gone away. I'm rarely alone. 

I've said it before, and it bears repeating. A struggle of the second-generation caregiver is not the amount of work you do for the disabled person in your life. It's the loss of some personal freedoms that seem to be the hardest adjustment--at least for me--to make.

Plus, yesterday was one of THOSE days. The "I want to go home" kind of day. Where every sentence out of Katie's mouth was proceeded by that statement. It kind of feels like one of your kids telling you they wish they had a different Mom. 

It hurts. I know it shouldn't because the rational part of me is fully aware that Katie is incapable of deliberately hurting me. But still, it's an emotional bitch-slap.

When she was in Provo and getting close to the time she came to live with us, all she told Celeste was how excited she was to come to Ohio. She also did the "I want to go home" thing with Celeste. A LOT. Only home then meant Pasco, to live in her old house next door to her sister, Mary. 

It makes me realize that when Katie does go to stay in Utah this Spring for a few months, that maybe Ohio will be home during these days. I don't know. I know that Katie needs to get used to us and needs to come to realize that this is one of her homes. Her life has been in transition the last couple of years, and I get that it will take time for her to accept her new normal.

Today is one of the big steps to making that happen. After three long months of bureaucracy and forms and assessments and physicals and shots and ID cards and direct deposit forms and the like, we finally have Katie enrolled in a day program.

She got on the bus this morning, and I swear I heard angels singing. Maybe it's just the utter stillness and silence of my home, but they sound an awful lot alike in my mind.

Suesan